12 December 2009

The game of "Operation"... Let's play

I am quite sure the reason people are addicted to Xanax is because of Surgeons visits themselves. The absurdity of it all and the ensued stress is enough to make anyone start taking massive quantities of pain killers chased by Tequila.

First of all I am not there to make friends in the waiting room. Please don't talk to me there or want me to color with your child while I am waiting to find out my fate. This isn't a Bingo hall.

Also, your cat scan scheduler is a bitch. I don't need to hear how swamped she is with work while I am wondering if I have to have another surgery at Christmas time. I mean really, this is her job.

If it were up to me I would like to discuss how you are going to cut me open and fix this... say... sitting in your living room so you can focus on just me. Maybe we could have your wife bring us some coffee and you can tell me how much care you will give me because you realize that if you don't I am about to go postal(sorry usps workers but you kind of coined the phrase) I would also like you to explain why you think you are qualified to play "Operation" on me while promising NOT to make the buzzer go off.

I am not someone to forget so I will be wearing the most outrageous outfit to my next appt. (think blinking lights and lots of perfume) and bringing Kate Gosselins bodyguard "Steve" with me so that I seem VERY important, after I have consumed Xanax and Tequila because I know how SWAMPED you and your staff are and this way ensuring that I will not be just another co-pay in your day.

See you Tuesday Mr. Surgeon guy
Nyn