It's just like me to.....

...go a month and a half without writing except this is the first time it's happened since I started. I, through everything try to find humor in every situation but lately it's been hard. I, just this once will throw myself a pity party here. Invisible illness week has come and gone but for some reason I am hoping this blog will get my whining over with so I will find the humor again that has been so absent from my life.

I have pretty much isolated myself from alot of friends and family because of this "invisible" pain. So, maybe answering these questions will bring back that 50/50 Nyn that I have been looking for.

30 Things About My Invisible Illness You May Not Know

1. The illness I live with is: Chronic pain after having a rib removal from Thoracic Outlet syndrome. IP
2. I was diagnosed with it in the year:2006
3. But I had symptoms since: 1995
4. The biggest adjustment I’ve had to make is: Being proud of myself for living with this horrific pain instead of feeling shame because I have it.
5. Most people assume: That they could live with the pain I do and still hold a job and do things.
6. The hardest part about mornings are: Getting past the part where I wish I didn't wake up.
7. My favorite medical TV show is: Scrubs (see I still have some humor)
8. A gadget I couldn’t live without is: My computer since now I know that other people suffer in silence as well.
9. The hardest part about nights are: Wishing I was the old, fun me instead of just wanting to cry and go to bed.
10. Each day I take 6-8__ pills. (No comments, please)
11. Regarding alternative treatments I: have tried everything I have heard of and will continue to do so forever.
12. If I had to choose between an invisible illness or visible I would choose: Alot of times I wish for visible so I wouldn't have to feel shame when people look at me like nothing is wrong since I look fine.
13. Regarding working and career: Things become much less important when you are trying to just make it through a day in the least possible pain.
14. People would be surprised to know: How hard it is to get dressed and leave the house. They would also be surprised to know that I could cry all day if it was allowed.
15. The hardest thing to accept about my new reality has been: How nothing material seems important anymore.
16. Something I never thought I could do with my illness that I did was: Live this long without commiting suicide. I am proud of myself for every day I make it through.
17. The commercials about my illness: OMG they make it seem like if you take any pain pill you will be able to function which is so absurd.
18. Something I really miss doing since I was diagnosed is: wearing a bra and doing anything without thinking how bad it is going to hurt me and for how long.
19. It was really hard to have to give up: Helping out the family financially and having to rely on others.
20. A new hobby I have taken up since my diagnosis is: lol, trying to find anything that makes me feel better.
21. If I could have one day of feeling normal again I would: Turn it down. It would be too hard to come back to.
22. My illness has taught me: That people are so judgemental and argue over the most mundane things.
23. Want to know a secret? One thing people say that gets under my skin is: "But you did it last year or last week". Every day is different with pain levels and none of them are good.
24. But I love it when people: My daughter always puts a pillow under my arm because she knows.
25. My favorite motto, scripture, quote that gets me through tough times is: Steven Hawking.. "You can be physically disabled or mentally disabled but not both. People won't put up with it". It keeps me from losing my mind.
26. When someone is diagnosed I’d like to tell them: Just do what feels right to you and don't be pressured into trying to do to much.
27. Something that has surprised me about living with an illness is: I have become much more philosophical and aware of the "big picture"
28. The nicest thing someone did for me when I wasn’t feeling well was: My husband and family have done way more than I could list.

I will keep the promise to myself to keep writing here.
Nyn

Dear Door to Door Salesmen...

It's time we talked. I am so tired of standing there with a towel on my head (because you ALWAYS come right after my shower) trying to figure out what the hell you are talking about because In my head I am trying to think of how to get you off my porch.

Window salespeople. Really? Today you offered me 20% off. It's the middle of Winter and I do NOT want my windows ripped out while it's snowing. Not even for 20% off.

Religion people. I have talked to God and were good. I'm not sure what kool-aid you wanted me to drink but I am positive that God didn't drag me to the porch so that I could read your pamphlet. He knows I hate the cold and would have come with a better approach.

Oh, but every once in awhile you catch me in a good mood like the day I was at my brother and sister in laws house by myself and you talked me into letting you in to show me how you could clean their stove. My brother is convinced you are coming back to steal their TV. PLUS, I forgot about the part where you could have been a mass murderer. You won't catch me off guard again. Unless you will clean my bathroom...

Then there are the teenagers who come after it snows to shovel for me. See, this is the reason I keep answering the door. I love the kids who are willing to put in some hard work for a couple bucks. These are the kids who will grow up to be great people because they are starting young. I just hope in 10 yrs they have moved away from the door to door aspect and aren't knocking on my door trying to sell me lawn fertilizer in February.

If only there were door to door Chocolate salesmen...If only
Nyn

I really need to start that "Bucket List"

So you know that whole "Well behaved women never make history" saying? Well, I am thinking of taking that to a whole new level... because of Bill Clinton.

No, not because of that whole blue dress incident, but the fact that he had two stents inserted into his heart arteries today. I have to tell you that Mr. However old he is, is in much better shape than me and his heart is giving out. I am screwed. Anything that hasn't been surgically removed from my 44 yr. old body was either fractured or broken when the semi hit me. I think it's time I start thinking about making the history books.

Let me see, I can no longer do anything athletic, so thats out. My cooking is at 5th grade level at best, so the Food channel isn't calling. I want to say I am a great Poker player, but...some people would differ.

Then there is criminal activity, but with that 50/50 factor that hovers over me, the chance of getting away with robbing a bank is minimal, plus I would never last in prison. I am too high maintenance and I need lots of pillows to sleep with.

While I am trying to figure out how I will make History before my ticker gives out, I will focus on the fact that I only live 2 blocks from the hospital, so thats a plus. But if I have to go there I am taking a fake drivers license belonging to Hillary Clinton so that I get the best possible care while I am there. I will make MK dress up like the Secret Service and demand that after they fix my heart... they give me LOTS of pillows.

Nyn

The thing about Fate...

...It's kinda hard to figure out and I've been thinking about it alot lately. Is something you did wrong at one time (or alot of times) determine your fate or can you change it?

Does anyone really go through life unscathed? After everything Tiger did for Golf has he locked in his fate because of his personal life? Or if someone mismanages money wrong when they are young are they destined to be poor? Does someone who has Chronic pain and spends all of their time trying to convince people that they really are in pain ever get any enjoyment out of life because they are exhausted worrying about how other people feel about them?

There are people who commit suicide because they are ashamed. And there's the people who blame everyone else and become bitter because they are ashamed and then there are the uplifting stories about people who have risen from the ashes and became better than they ever could have expected. What is it that makes one person decide that there is no hope for tomorrow and the person who can't quit tomorrow because they know what they have left in them? Have we not all been at the bottom?

I know I will never give up trying to grab the golden ring and believe me there are days I'd like to shove the ring up someone's .... because my body hurts to bad to move.

So Tiger and all of the other people who think that one thing or one period of times decides your fate. It doesn't. I write on this blog not knowing how much pain it will cause me tomorrow. I refuse to let my past determine my fate. I may not have changed golf and I may never be the CEO of a fortune 500 company but the great thing about tomorrow is....I will do the best I can and hope nothing but good things for all the people who are also trying!
Nyn
Ps.. Nothing personal Tiger, your just holding the headlines now :) Oh, and John Edwards...Well, I just am trying so hard to think of something nice to say about you and, well.. Maybe tomorrow.

The thing about blogging...

After you blog for awhile and belong to Blogher and E-How, is it just me or does everyone start to think about how everyone else is doing some days?
I have read that all human DNA is only separated by .10% which pretty much makes us all the same. Maybe that is why I get the feeling after reading other blogs that we are, well, friends.
I wonder every day how Anissa (Hope4Peyton.org) is doing, and wish her husband could update more. There is Ree (The pioneer woman) that I have to check on the ranch from time to time :) There is the gay fathers with their little adopted MaKenzie that I adore as well as the American woman working for the embassy in Sudan (Facts are strictly optional) that is hysterically funny and I always hope she is finding the wine she needs to function over there. Anyway there are more but the point is that we all write at Blogher for the same reason when it comes down to it. Just to know that our lives matter and our opinions and no matter how different we are or the paths we took to get here, each one of us brings something to the table that the rest of us are looking for.
Everyone who has emailed me and the friends I have made seem just as important as the friends I grew up with. You make me smile and appreciate how I get through my life the same way that I wish nothing but good for everyone's blog I read.
So while it is amazing how many strangers have come together to help Anissa and her family get through this I guess it isn't that hard to believe since we have, you know, about the same DNA.

Are we Complacent as a Nation? History says No

Look up complaceny in the dictionary and you will find.
1. A feeling of quiet security while unaware that danger is lurking.
2. Smug Security.
This Nation was built on change and growing and finding the unknown from the start. So it seems now with all the jobs being lost that people feel like it was a given that they would always be, well, complacent.
As an example we need look no further than the steel industry. Workers all accross this country lost what they felt would substain them for a lifetime and yet the likes of Pittsburgh and other great places pulled themselves together and created new ways of making money because thats what our minds were built for. Change and growth.
So when I watch the news today I see Haiti at their lowest, brought to their knees by nature. I also saw a woman who owned 3 car dealerships that Chrysler has closed causing hundreds of people to lose jobs. This is a terrible time for many of us but I think all we have to do is look at history to know that we will learn and rebuild and help each other in times of crisis.
There are stories of Paula Deen who changed her life in her mid forties. There are people who have lost everything only to invent something that has made them rich. Even stories of the ones who end up helping people after suffering a loss of their own. I think we all need to be reminded of these stories that uplift and remind us that there are many things left to accomplish.
I have had alot of money and I have had no money. I have had good health and now I cannot work but the one thing I have always had is hope that I never become so complacent that I stop trying.
Nyn

What Coffee Really Stands For

We all have this thing in common called coffee. We meet under the pretense of "Let's have a cup of coffee" or when we don't want an evening to end someone will suggest "grabbing a cup of coffee before we go home". I tend to think all of our great memories somehow revolve around that perfect cup.

I can remember being in my early teens and going to our next door neighbors with my mom. She would always have a pot on and we would sit for hours talking and I remember never wanting those evenings to end...Just one more cup?

I have my Grandmothers cup that she always had coffee in. I had to have that cup when she died just short of 100. It never fails to remind me of something she said when I look at that cup.

I am right now drinking out of the first coffee cup that my husband bought me. After 17 years so many things have come and gone or sit in a jewelry box but this cup is a constant in my everyday life. Makes me smile. When I visit somewhere that I don't want to forget I always buy a coffee cup ensuring the memory will never go away.

If you listen to people they can tell you where their best coffee experience was. There is just something mesmerizing about it. It is the one thing we have in common with people from all over the world, and I for one am thinking World Peace if we could all just sit down for...a cup of coffee.
Nyn
Ps...It's also "the best part of waking up"

I Need Cookie Rehab ASAP

Am I the only one having a Christmas cookie meltdown? For days I have been wondering around the kitchen snacking on things I wouldn't normally give a secong glance at. My evening coffee seems like it is missing something. Something round containing sugar and flour and possibly peanut butter with a kiss on top.

I finally realized my addiction tonight when I was really thinking of dipping an Andes mint into a jar a peanut butter (only chocolate I could find). I didn't dip. Then my son Adam came in and said "Why are there no cookies made?" and he isn't even a sweets guy but X-mas cookies have him in their clutches now as well.

I've decided I am going to make some tomorrow.Pop tarts just aren't doing the trick. I think the way to go here is weaning off, not going cold turkey. Yes, that totally makes sense, whew, I don't need rehab after all.
Nyn

Dear 2010....

Listen... no really, just focus on me Miss fancy pants 2010. I did the obligatory New Years Eve rituals. I ate pork and saurkraut. I toasted you at midnight and kissed my husband. I told my kids I loved them. I made resolutions and promised to be a better person and celebrate you for twelve whole months.
So maybe you didn't get the memo that this was to be a great year for me because in the first two weeks you have turned my 16 yr old from a sweet girl into the spawn of satan (thanks for that) and if that wasn't enough today you decided to have the cop pull me over (touche, nice one)and then after I crawled into bed for 3 hours, woke up feeling a tad better only to discover that you BROKE MY DRYER (now I am pissed).
IT's kind of like getting a new boss thinking things couldn't get worse and then finding out she was your nemisis in high school. BACK OFF 2010 because 2009 forgot to tell you a few things about me.
I have no in-between, none. I do the doormat thing for only so long and then I snap. So the gloves are off and your going to lose. I decided that as the cop had his lights on and I made him follow me to WaWa (same place 2009 made my pants fall to the ground) before I stopped because I needed a pit stop there anyway.
So send whatever you deem necessary because this year I am finding it funny and you can't ruffle these feathers. I just hope when my family sees me on the front page getting hauled off to jail they get alittle chuckle in the sign I am holding that says "BRING IT 2010....WHAT ELSE YOU GOT"
NYN

I would call it stalking

Probably a bad title since I am talking about my son Adam and I think he just calls it...fact checking.

Adam takes my 16yr old Caity to Starbucks, well, alot and from what I gather he is quite in love with the drive through girl. This has worked well for Caity as she has been getting alot of Frappacinos lately so she's not complaining but says his method of picking up girls needs work. Adam was all kinds of excited yesterday because he found her facebook page (stalker) and he wants to check her out before he will proceed. Then I started thinking about his friends and how they all interact with women and it's just pathetic but the girls do it to.

Awhile back MK and I had met Adam and his friends and their parents at a pub and as I looked around the table they were all texting and checking facebook on their phones and when they did look up it was to say that there wern't any available girls even though 25 cuties had walked by the table. Then I would watch the tables of girls and they were doing the same thing. If they all would have put down the I-phones and looked up there could have been some connections but these days you need to have a good group of friends and cute pics posted from cool parties and beach pics from last summer and then just maybe someone new will friend you. (that and if 10 of their friends say they can)

I would like to think that meeting total strangers was fun when I was dating but then the ones I could have weeded out early would have made life easier. Hmmm I wonder if by the time my daughter is in her early twenties maybe she will check a program to also see what her children would look like with someone on facebook before she...friends them?
Me personally, Mk just buys me a drink and tells me I am a cutie and I am going home with him. No facebook page needed.
Nyn
Ps.. The Starbucks girl would be a lucky one if she gets "friended" by my Adam :)

Strong women just get stronger

As I have been thinking about my personal goal for the new year, every scenario I conjure up requires strength. Lots of it. Whether it's the strength I will need when someone crashes into me while I am driving as I am a magnet for that, or dealing with parenting issues (give me strength) or those funny, want to stab myself, family issues (give me strength). I realized over the holidays that the older women in my life not only have it but share it without knowing it.
My mom has just lost 65 lbs and I walked in yesterday to the poster women for "Chico's". She had on jeans with heels, highlights in the hair and some kick ass jewelry. She was having a mango rum drink after cooking a New years day feast for everyone...she just keeps getting stronger.
We were at my mother in laws last week and celebrated her 80th birthday. Now before I get to the "strong" part I do need to mention that while cooking a ham for us she may have set the oven at 500 degrees when she meant to set the timer at 5:00, those pesky 5's. Anyway so she proceeds to tell us that she was going to get the Ab Rocket lounger because she NEEDS to work on those abs. OMG Joan, exactly what are you going to do with rock hard abs??? We decided we don't need to know we just need to keep checking on her to make sure she isn't stuck in it and can't get up...she just keeps getting stronger.
So me, Nyn, it's the new year and I am headed to the gym. I use the pool for exercise and to get stronger but mentally I need strength. Not to keep going to the gym but for when the 50/50 factor kicks in and some idiot slams into my car while I am driving there...strength to carry on and if I am correct....to look good doing it.
Happy New Year
Nyn

The game of "Operation"... Let's play

I am quite sure the reason people are addicted to Xanax is because of Surgeons visits themselves. The absurdity of it all and the ensued stress is enough to make anyone start taking massive quantities of pain killers chased by Tequila.

First of all I am not there to make friends in the waiting room. Please don't talk to me there or want me to color with your child while I am waiting to find out my fate. This isn't a Bingo hall.

Also, your cat scan scheduler is a bitch. I don't need to hear how swamped she is with work while I am wondering if I have to have another surgery at Christmas time. I mean really, this is her job.

If it were up to me I would like to discuss how you are going to cut me open and fix this... say... sitting in your living room so you can focus on just me. Maybe we could have your wife bring us some coffee and you can tell me how much care you will give me because you realize that if you don't I am about to go postal(sorry usps workers but you kind of coined the phrase) I would also like you to explain why you think you are qualified to play "Operation" on me while promising NOT to make the buzzer go off.

I am not someone to forget so I will be wearing the most outrageous outfit to my next appt. (think blinking lights and lots of perfume) and bringing Kate Gosselins bodyguard "Steve" with me so that I seem VERY important, after I have consumed Xanax and Tequila because I know how SWAMPED you and your staff are and this way ensuring that I will not be just another co-pay in your day.

See you Tuesday Mr. Surgeon guy
Nyn

Is this month over yet?

I need November to be put in the history books. I declared it over weeks ago but Thanksgiving didn't get the message. Being me is a difficult thing to manage because most people either love what they already have or hate their life and want what they don't have. I am so happy for what I have and so bitchy about what I don't. hmmm

It has been a tough month physically and I still won't have answers for a few more weeks which has kept me in the house alot. I get myself to the point of being jealous of people who are out in the world even though I adore my family and the things around me also knowing that when I do go out I just end up wishing I was at home being comfy and enjoying my familiar crazy circle of family.

So today I decided to go out shopping for alittle bit. Just me. Some Nyn time to mingle among the 'Normals' for a bit. I was listening ( aka. eavesdropping) as I was looking at lotions and then I hear this man say to his wife "What is body butter?" and then she says " you put it on and lick it". OMG this is why I like my life because maybe if I was in another healthier body these are the morons that would be in my life. So while that idiot is at home licking chemicals off of her skin trying to get the taste of vanilla I am here listening to my normal people yelling for the Steelers and eating Creme brulee that MK made. Well it's my normal anyway.

Here's to December.... I may or may not leave the house.
Nyn

Scams...and why they work

My daughter Caity loves pigs, all things pigs. She has slept with her "Mr. Pig" stuffed animal since she was little. She collects pigs. Her screen saver is...pigs. I'm not sure why since we don't live on a farm and are not big animal people but she adores them.

She has always wanted one as a pet which would never happen in this house so I always assumed when I visit her as an adult I would have to be nice to a large pot bellied pig if I wanted through the door but I guess pig people have found a way to try to make this happen sooner.

Caity found out they now make designer micro pigs. They are called tea cup pigs and are now the rage (along with a rage price tag) and she has made it her mission to have one.

This brings me to the scam. A man from the "UK" emailed her and said he would send her one for "free" if she just paid him...shipping. OMG she was so excited thinking she had hit the perverbial jackpot! The emails were flying back and forth as I tried to explain to her that there was no pig and this man just wants her money. She said "but mom he even sent me pics". I am positive if not for her father and I a man in the UK would be six hundred dollars richer.

Scams work because people want to believe and I know of one 16yr. old who still believes and just thinks her mom is a wet blanket. I just hope while I am writing this that Caity isn't out getting a money order.

Oh and if you will just send me 600 dollars I will tell you how to stop a scam from happening to your daughter :)
Nyn

If it gets you through

I tend to surround myself with people who make light of horrible situations. We make fun of tragedies and can do that because we make fun of our own and if you haven't tried it, well, I assure you it works.

After I and my children had been hit broadside and nearly killed by a semi truck I really couldn't see myself ever laughing again and there was always somber people stopping by reminding me how bad things were and then one day alot of us were in the kitchen (with wheelchairs everywhere) and MK turned and said "How the hell could you not see a semi coming at you, I mean, it wasn't a motorcycle!" and right then it was funny I mean so funny except to the stick in the muds that had no funny bones in them. So from then on thats the way it has been with everything. It gets us through.

My best friend thought she had breast cancer a few years ago and was waiting for her results and crying when I finally said "Look will this mean that I have to get a bracelet and wear pink shirts every damn day beacause this is annoying me already". We laughed and thank God she didn't have it but did tell me if she did have it she was planning on sending me a shirt the next day. It got us through.

The past few months have been really hard emotionally on me and then finding the softball size abcess that was pushing on my kidney and making swallowing food feel like shards of glass had me standing on the ledge. Every day the BFF calls or texts with encouragement but the tears wouldn't stop and then I get a text fron her last night that I assumed was going to ask me how I was...no...it said...."Do you need a kidney? Are you just afraid to ask me? It is not a very good one. Kinda used but you can have it. Get back to me on that." and I laughed because I wasn't expecting the warped sense of humor at that moment. God I love these people. Thats how we get through.

I have been informed by many that my daughter has the same sense of humor, infact much worse. Has she been corrupted? Nope.....I will always know that she can get through anything.
Nyn
PS.. I have known the BFF since I was born and have seen how that kidney has been treated...she can keep it.

I swear it was a MIRACLE!!

After my last post on Anemia which was after my Hysterectomy you would think the medical Gods were done screwing with me but that would be to easy.
Apparently a huge abcess the size of a softball grew were my uterus used to be. I was in the hospital...which I am so over. They did horrible things to my body...which I am so over. Now I am home trying to get better...which my family is so over. But. that. is not what I am here to tell you about.

So I am sitting on the couch tonight trying to figure out again why the universe is out to get me as usual. Oh I should have told you before I started this that I am addicted to "Soft Lips". There isn't anything better and I have them everywhere so I don't have a breakdown. Anyway I look over at the end table and I bumped my Soft Lips tube and WATCHED it roll off onto the floor. Dilema. Big Dilema because trust me without the gory details that I can't bend over and pick it up so now I am faced with having to ask the 16yr. old to get it and she just likes messing with me or asking MK to do like the 2000th thing for me in 10 minutes.

I am not joking I stressed over this for about 15 minutes while pretending to watch tv. So then. Right when I was about to scream for Soft Lips help I glance at the end table and... THERE IT WAS! ON THE TABLE! I freak out and tell Mk and Caity that a miracle has been performed for me to which they reply that I can't remember what the hell I had for breakfast let alone when the Soft Lips tube fell. Whatever. I am now convinced that the tube of Soft Lips miracle was letting me know that I am completely cured and that when I go for my next cat scan this week it will all be revealed. Your with me right?

I was going to call the Pope but I am not Catholic so I am not sure if this counts plus I will wait until after my tests but I am worried that I won't be able to share this with the world because I heard Mk and Caity making plans of their own to make a few calls and...have me put in a quiet place for awhile so I'm not sure how this week will go. Damn 50/50.
Nyn

Oh... That helps you live ?

I am announcing this as the week of Anemia. I am not sure if a single person can name a week but I just did.

About 2 weeks ago I started feeling like the surgery pain was getting better but my body was getting worse. I couldn't stay awake and when I was I wanted to be sleeping. Then really bad things happened to the point that my legs were in soooo much pain and then they started buckling when I would walk. Not only couldn't I concentrate but when I moved it felt like my body moved... and then my soul and every cell I have moved a second later. That feeling is...there are no words.

I waited way to long to head to Doctor man all in the name of "This to shall pass". He ran some blood tests and I was depleted of Iron. I have always been alittle low but never really thought about it and then I lost alot of blood in surgery and let me tell you that I NEVER want to feel like that again. When I walked into the Doctor's he said "you look awful". I was so washed out looking instead of my...cute normal self.

So I started taking 2 Iron pills a day and after researching this on the computer trust me 2 is alot. Oh and who knew that Iron is what carries OXYGEN through your body? It's KIND of important so someone should have filled me in on this sooner. I mean...people DIE from this. Ok I need to stop since I am stressing out over it again as you can tell from all of the capitolized words.

Please get your Iron checked. If your tired, if your legs hurt or maybe you like having people draw your blood. Which is fine. I don't judge.

I am feeling somewhat better already but no where near 100%. My legs feel better (Go Oxygen!) I still don't have an appetite but being a woman...thats the one thing I'm not complaining about.
Nyn

50/50 Just Never Stops

The last week or so I have not felt well. I thought the surgery was so easy buy it looks like it kicked my butt big time. Anyway so I was pretty immuned to everything. Nothing was really getting me mad or getting me emotional. Life were just kind of going on around me while I just wanted some life breathed back into me... until Friday night.

Mk takes me out for dinner that evening to get me out of the house and among the living. We drove over an hour to our favorite Italian place so I wasn't even feeling on top of my game when we got there. Oh and for the first time since surgery I had on real pants with a button and a zipper (which by the way is overated I have decided). So on the way home the pants were bothering my incisions so I unbuttoned and unzipped...I can't believe I am about to tell you what happened next.

We stopped at a WaWa for something, the place was packed...here it comes. I got out of the car and stepped onto the sidewalk and MY PANTS FELL TO THE GROUND. Yes you heard me I was standing there in front of all these people on a Friday night with my pants around my ankles wearing a shirt and black underwear thank you. The worst part is that I froze for a minute so there was nothing quick about covering up. I knew at that point 50/50 will always be with me so what the hell, I held my head up and did the walk of shame inside the store. I give up trying. I quit. Mk as usual shaking his head and know a couple times a day he drops his pants at home just to be funny. yeah funny Mk, my life sucks.

Kate Gosslin was there in the afternoon and the papparazi was in tow so I guess...it maybe could have been worse had People magazine snapped a few shots of me.

So how was YOUR weekend?
Nyn

I want to sleep with Charlotte...

So I get the news from Doctor Holly yesterday that I can venture out in public alittle more, you know the whole "take it easy thing". Problem is...clothing.

I have been in my somewhat insane head lately coming up with what my perfect wardrobe would look like. Now all I need is a robe company that will listen (and never steal this idea because I will send my little nephews Ty, Chase and Brock after you and, well, you don't want that). So after some thought...

My favorite robe is that light, comfy, alittle fuzzy, feels like I am being hugged by what I can only imagine is heaven. The tag on it says "Charlotte". The thing is with the pain I live with I can't wear anything that feels heavy or I hurt. I can't wear a bra or I hurt for days. Point being "Charlotte" makes me happy so why do I have to torture myself to look good when I pass by YOU on the street? You aren't going to make me tea later or sleep with me or buy me diamonds. Although if you do I would like a Chocolate diamond, please. I am dying for one of those.

So "Charlotte Co." I need the following...Pants and a tunic top in pink. The top longer with pockets at the bottom and skinny pants cuz I hear I have great legs. Oh and make the top V-neck for my boobs, they look better in V-necks.
A grey hoodie with sweats for going to the store or to visit the nephews (I am watching you).
And for going out with Mk I need a black dress in this material (I am getting excited just writing this).

I promise you, the public, that I will look presentable. I will put on cute shoes. I will put on jewelry. I will even put on slutty, hooker boots to wear with the dress. I will be fun and outgoing. Less bitchy (heres hoping)and I will be a willing part of society.

Then, I will come home from my night out with Mk, take off the hooker boots and the jewlrey and be able to just GET INTO BED because I am already wearing jammie clothes. OMG I have helped to fix the Chronic Pain world just alittle. "Charlotte" this is a win win. Call me so we can start sketching and then when you are rich because of me you can buy me a Chocolate diamond.

Nyn

My September 11 pledge... to write notes

In May 2001 Mk and I celebrated our anniversary in NYC. Mk was surprising me and taking me to brunch at the top of the World Trade Center. I was dining at Windows On The World. I remember stepping off the elevator thinking how incredible the view was and that was just the beginning.

My family knew Mk was taking me there so my mom had called ahead and ordered a special bottle of Champagne for us (I know she's a treat, right?). The team at WOTW then had taken it upon themselves to give us a special table at one of the single windows by ourselves. I remember that the building swayed as we sat there and they explained it was built that way to withstand the weather.

The brunch buffet was beyond delightful and they gave me the cork to our bottle to remember them by. Of all the places I have eaten and God knows I love to eat and search out great Mango Margaritas :) I can remember their faces and how special it was to be there. Not just because of the building but the incredible people and their kindness by making it so special for me.

I meant to write a note to them and let them know what a special group of people they were. But I didn't. I told everyone about them but I never personally let them know that they made my day. The towers fell and I am sure it was those people who perished that morning a few months later since that would have been their shift.

So on this day my pledge is from now on to let people know with a note that they have touched my heart and given me a day to remember.I just wish I would have done it sooner.
Nyn