It's just like me to.....

...go a month and a half without writing except this is the first time it's happened since I started. I, through everything try to find humor in every situation but lately it's been hard. I, just this once will throw myself a pity party here. Invisible illness week has come and gone but for some reason I am hoping this blog will get my whining over with so I will find the humor again that has been so absent from my life.

I have pretty much isolated myself from alot of friends and family because of this "invisible" pain. So, maybe answering these questions will bring back that 50/50 Nyn that I have been looking for.

30 Things About My Invisible Illness You May Not Know

1. The illness I live with is: Chronic pain after having a rib removal from Thoracic Outlet syndrome. IP
2. I was diagnosed with it in the year:2006
3. But I had symptoms since: 1995
4. The biggest adjustment I’ve had to make is: Being proud of myself for living with this horrific pain instead of feeling shame because I have it.
5. Most people assume: That they could live with the pain I do and still hold a job and do things.
6. The hardest part about mornings are: Getting past the part where I wish I didn't wake up.
7. My favorite medical TV show is: Scrubs (see I still have some humor)
8. A gadget I couldn’t live without is: My computer since now I know that other people suffer in silence as well.
9. The hardest part about nights are: Wishing I was the old, fun me instead of just wanting to cry and go to bed.
10. Each day I take 6-8__ pills. (No comments, please)
11. Regarding alternative treatments I: have tried everything I have heard of and will continue to do so forever.
12. If I had to choose between an invisible illness or visible I would choose: Alot of times I wish for visible so I wouldn't have to feel shame when people look at me like nothing is wrong since I look fine.
13. Regarding working and career: Things become much less important when you are trying to just make it through a day in the least possible pain.
14. People would be surprised to know: How hard it is to get dressed and leave the house. They would also be surprised to know that I could cry all day if it was allowed.
15. The hardest thing to accept about my new reality has been: How nothing material seems important anymore.
16. Something I never thought I could do with my illness that I did was: Live this long without commiting suicide. I am proud of myself for every day I make it through.
17. The commercials about my illness: OMG they make it seem like if you take any pain pill you will be able to function which is so absurd.
18. Something I really miss doing since I was diagnosed is: wearing a bra and doing anything without thinking how bad it is going to hurt me and for how long.
19. It was really hard to have to give up: Helping out the family financially and having to rely on others.
20. A new hobby I have taken up since my diagnosis is: lol, trying to find anything that makes me feel better.
21. If I could have one day of feeling normal again I would: Turn it down. It would be too hard to come back to.
22. My illness has taught me: That people are so judgemental and argue over the most mundane things.
23. Want to know a secret? One thing people say that gets under my skin is: "But you did it last year or last week". Every day is different with pain levels and none of them are good.
24. But I love it when people: My daughter always puts a pillow under my arm because she knows.
25. My favorite motto, scripture, quote that gets me through tough times is: Steven Hawking.. "You can be physically disabled or mentally disabled but not both. People won't put up with it". It keeps me from losing my mind.
26. When someone is diagnosed I’d like to tell them: Just do what feels right to you and don't be pressured into trying to do to much.
27. Something that has surprised me about living with an illness is: I have become much more philosophical and aware of the "big picture"
28. The nicest thing someone did for me when I wasn’t feeling well was: My husband and family have done way more than I could list.

I will keep the promise to myself to keep writing here.
Nyn

I want to sleep with Charlotte...

So I get the news from Doctor Holly yesterday that I can venture out in public alittle more, you know the whole "take it easy thing". Problem is...clothing.

I have been in my somewhat insane head lately coming up with what my perfect wardrobe would look like. Now all I need is a robe company that will listen (and never steal this idea because I will send my little nephews Ty, Chase and Brock after you and, well, you don't want that). So after some thought...

My favorite robe is that light, comfy, alittle fuzzy, feels like I am being hugged by what I can only imagine is heaven. The tag on it says "Charlotte". The thing is with the pain I live with I can't wear anything that feels heavy or I hurt. I can't wear a bra or I hurt for days. Point being "Charlotte" makes me happy so why do I have to torture myself to look good when I pass by YOU on the street? You aren't going to make me tea later or sleep with me or buy me diamonds. Although if you do I would like a Chocolate diamond, please. I am dying for one of those.

So "Charlotte Co." I need the following...Pants and a tunic top in pink. The top longer with pockets at the bottom and skinny pants cuz I hear I have great legs. Oh and make the top V-neck for my boobs, they look better in V-necks.
A grey hoodie with sweats for going to the store or to visit the nephews (I am watching you).
And for going out with Mk I need a black dress in this material (I am getting excited just writing this).

I promise you, the public, that I will look presentable. I will put on cute shoes. I will put on jewelry. I will even put on slutty, hooker boots to wear with the dress. I will be fun and outgoing. Less bitchy (heres hoping)and I will be a willing part of society.

Then, I will come home from my night out with Mk, take off the hooker boots and the jewlrey and be able to just GET INTO BED because I am already wearing jammie clothes. OMG I have helped to fix the Chronic Pain world just alittle. "Charlotte" this is a win win. Call me so we can start sketching and then when you are rich because of me you can buy me a Chocolate diamond.

Nyn