Showing posts with label God. Show all posts
Showing posts with label God. Show all posts

01 November 2009

I swear it was a MIRACLE!!

After my last post on Anemia which was after my Hysterectomy you would think the medical Gods were done screwing with me but that would be to easy.
Apparently a huge abcess the size of a softball grew were my uterus used to be. I was in the hospital...which I am so over. They did horrible things to my body...which I am so over. Now I am home trying to get better...which my family is so over. But. that. is not what I am here to tell you about.

So I am sitting on the couch tonight trying to figure out again why the universe is out to get me as usual. Oh I should have told you before I started this that I am addicted to "Soft Lips". There isn't anything better and I have them everywhere so I don't have a breakdown. Anyway I look over at the end table and I bumped my Soft Lips tube and WATCHED it roll off onto the floor. Dilema. Big Dilema because trust me without the gory details that I can't bend over and pick it up so now I am faced with having to ask the 16yr. old to get it and she just likes messing with me or asking MK to do like the 2000th thing for me in 10 minutes.

I am not joking I stressed over this for about 15 minutes while pretending to watch tv. So then. Right when I was about to scream for Soft Lips help I glance at the end table and... THERE IT WAS! ON THE TABLE! I freak out and tell Mk and Caity that a miracle has been performed for me to which they reply that I can't remember what the hell I had for breakfast let alone when the Soft Lips tube fell. Whatever. I am now convinced that the tube of Soft Lips miracle was letting me know that I am completely cured and that when I go for my next cat scan this week it will all be revealed. Your with me right?

I was going to call the Pope but I am not Catholic so I am not sure if this counts plus I will wait until after my tests but I am worried that I won't be able to share this with the world because I heard Mk and Caity making plans of their own to make a few calls and...have me put in a quiet place for awhile so I'm not sure how this week will go. Damn 50/50.
Nyn

20 August 2009

I Do NOT want my Soul Rested

It's been bothering me all day, the whole "God rest your soul" thing. Since I have convinced myself that I will most likely die from my upcoming surgery, I am covering all the bases. Really...I don't want my soul rested. I want rid of this damn 24 hour pain I live with, but my soul has things to do.

Who in the hell wants their soul "resting" for eternity? I want to see everything that I haven't seen. I want to be really good at things I'm not now. I don't know, things like tennis, black flips, you get the point. I want to see my extended family. I have people I need to apologize to and certain people I need to punch in the face. I have people, lots of people, that I need to ask questions of. So you see, when I die, I'll be on a "need to know" basis.

There are certain souls that I am counting on tracking down. In very random order: Nicole Brown Simpson, WTF happened that night? Have you haunted him since? But more important, would you marry him again? Its been said that if we did things differently then we wouldn't have the children we have. Chandra Levy, I still am not convinced who the guilty party is, so I will need to know. Anna Nicole, I am not blaming anyone except for her whole upbringing but I think she had no direction to start with and if anyone needed it, she did...we'll talk. This list will be expanded in future posts, I am sure.

And since I am on a roll, for the love of God, religion. I will start with whoever the jackass was that started the Amish sect. Who made gajillions (my word) of people think that if God created this beautiful place that you aren't allowed to see it? I mean have you ever seen the Amish at the beach? Does thou think not? I happen to believe that a wonderful God did create all of this for us to enjoy freely...I know since I have almost had my life taken in the blink of an eye. I know we take ourselves, and all these man made "rules" way beyond crazy. Settle down and be nice. Have a glass of wine.

So finally, after I talk to God, Anna Nicole, ask my Grandparents questions and see people I know that passed way to soon, I still don't want to rest. I want to be Bohemian like and, okay, alittle rested... and hopefully I'll haunt a few in the afterlife. Look me up when you get there.